"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
"We hope you're enjoying your work day, where the local time is 11:58am. It would appear we're heading into a patch of irrational irritability and we'd like you to return to your seats and buckle your safety belt. This is just a precaution, I have no doubt we'll all make it through just fine.
"These events generally occur when a low-blood-sugar area meets with upper-management-incompetence creating a swirling grumpy turmoil. They can also occur when any of the body's extremities quickly come in contact with solid immobile objects.
"If anyone has access to a Zagnut or, perhaps, some sourdough pretzels we'd appreciate them signaling a flight attendant and help get us out of this situation that much faster.
"Otherwise, just buckle up, put your seat backs forward and stow your tray tables until our regularly scheduled lunch at 2pm and we'll get through this fix with a minimum of property damage.
"Thank you again for choosing to travel with Will's Brain."